Family Redefined
by UniqueFandoms
Summary: Angel thinks about his family...


Family Redefined **Title: Family Redefined**   
**Author: Dannette**   
**Rating: G**   
**Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story are mine**   
**Summary: Angel thinks about his family...**   
**Feedback: PLEASE send me feedback at [QueenDannette@aol.com][1]**   
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_Family.___

_Funny word **'family'** is. I mean, I had a family before... beautiful mom, sweet and adoring little sister, and evil to the core father. That was my **'REAL' **family, sister adored the hell out of me, mom pampered me, and dad treated me like shit, always insulting me, always kicking me when I'm down. So yeah, I had a real family before, they were my blood, they were my family... but they're dead.... been dead for a while.___

_So for a while I was just like an orphan, I didn't have any family, but now here I am 247 and I got another family. But the thing is, that they're not my blood... they don't have the same name as I, and they are certainly not of my race... but even after all that, they're still my family.___

_There's Cordelia, sweet girl... a little annoying but nevertheless sweet... oh yeah she's as she calls herself:___

_Vision Girl.___

_There's Wesley, Brit all the way but then he has that little tint of american in him, he's great with books and somehow I know I can always turn to him when things get bad.___

_And then last but not least, there's Gunn, all action, great fighter but he's got his sentimental moments...___

_As much as I had tried to deny the way they make me feel, I can't help but smile when Cordelia calls themselves my family, because I guess... yeah, in a way they are my family. Actually they're sort of better then my last family, they hold meaning and love, and when I needed them the most, they have been there. Sure we have had our little problems in the past but they always bounce back to me, giving me support when I need it.___

_But it's not even their undying support that makes me feel at home with them... it's the way Cordelia lets me hold on to her after she has one of her visions... it's the way Wesley doesn't say a word when I hover over him as he is reading one of his books... it's the way if I called on Gunn, he would be there in a second. It's just the simple things that make me feel at home with them, it doesn't matter about the big things... it's the little things that they do to prove to me that they trust with me...___

_They shouldn't trust me, because at any moment I could turn... but they do trust me, with their lives and their hearts... the way Gunn helps me up if I have fallen down or gotten hurt during a battle, or the way Wesley smiles big and all innocent like at me when he found something, or the way Cordelia stares at me just a little longer then she should... all those things make me realize how much I need them in my life.___

_God help me, I love them, I have grown accustomed to seeing them every day... When I wake up I expect to see Cordelia and Wesley arguing over something, I can close my eyes and just see Gunn lounging on the couch, with a bored look on his face.___

_And when I am in my darkest moments, it's them that pull me out of it. When I think I can't go on anymore, it's them that give me the courage to keep going. When I want to give up on my fight for redemption, it's them that encourages me to continue.___

_Sometimes it gets too hard, sometimes I wake up and ask myself why I am doing this, sometimes I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. Why do I continue letting my **'family'** put themselves in danger?___

_I mean, what if they end up like Doyle?___

_Whoa...___

_I haven't thought about Doyle in a while, oh god, he used to be family too. This isn't fair, ya know? I mean, why do they have to die? Why can't I save everybody? Why can't I save at least the people that mean something to me? Why couldn't I save Doyle? I know that some things can't be helped but the pain never goes away.___

_Or does it? Does the pain of knowing that I'll never be able to be with the girl of my dreams ever go away? Does the pain of knowing that one day eventually all of my family will die ever go away? Can I do something to prevent this sort of pain? Or am I useless against it? Should I just close myself up now so the pain won't hurt too much?___

_I'm good at closing myself up, I ignore the things that bring me emotion in my life and I just block EVERYTHING out... but in the end I get hurt anyways, and not only is it me in pain, but it's them as well.___

_I love them... but I don't want to hurt them, and I know the longer they stay with me... the more hurt they are going to get... come on look at me and Buffy._

"Angel?"

Looking up from the piece of paper, Angel sighed.

"Be down in a sec!"

_But as much as I want to let them go, release them from me... I can't... I guess I love them too much.___

Angel looked at the piece of paper and put it with the rest, grabbing his coat, he left his room and walked downstairs where Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley were sitting on the couch, watching some movie.

"Yeah guys?"

Wesley looked up and motioned for Angel to come over to them, Angel sighed and walked over to them and looked at the movie they were watching.

"Lost boys?"

Cordelia nodded and pulled Angel down with her.

"Watch it with us."

Angel opened his mouth to protest, but just ended up watching the movie....

_What was family for anwyays?_   
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   [1]: mailto:QueenDannette@aol.com



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